30th of July, 2015

After waking up yesterday morning I lay in bed and thought to myself: Geez, I should probably drop by the school to talk to the immigration advisor regarding my upcoming departure from the States. I should probably get up now. Amber, stop procrastinating! Like, get up, now.

After much effort trying to cajole my lazy bones into a sitting position, I called the school to schedule an appointment with the immigration advisor. Yup, everything is good, I am set for my 1:30 pm appointment. Except that wasn't the end. Not five minutes later I received a call from the office, asking me what's my purpose for the appointment, even though I had already explained to them in the first phone call.

"Well, you see, my family and I are dealing with a very complicated immigration process at the moment, so at some point in the Fall semester the embassy in my home country would call me up for a visa interview. So I was wondering if it's possible for me to just take the semester off," I said, praying that the lady on the other end wouldn't ask for every single detail about the immigration process.

"You can't take the semester off. What you can do though, is to fly back to your home country for a couple of weeks when you have to attend your interview, but you'll have to inform your professors about it. Do you gave an I-485?"

What?

"I'm sorry, I don't know if you're familiar with the whole process of acquiring an immigrant visa, but the process in Malaysia will take at least a month. Also, what's an I-485?" I asked.

"An I-485 is an application form for registering permanent residents."

I ransacked my brain for that form, and I realized I haven't filed anything of that sort.

"No...I don't have that form. I do have a...DS-260 though," I said, my fingers running wildly across the computer keyboard to find the DS-260 forms. 

"No, a DS-260 won't do. What other documents do you have?" the lady on the other end asked.

I thought for a while and decided I'm not having this conversation because frankly, this is just dumb. Why would I have an I-485 when the very reason for my strong desire to go back to Malaysia is so that I can attend the interview, get approved to register to be a permanent resident?

"I'm sorry, I don't have any other documents to show, but you can speak to my lawyer."

The rest of the morning passed by in a frantic flurry. I couldn't get hold of my lawyer, so I decided to show up at the university anyway for the 1:30 appointment. I had exactly 45 minutes to get dressed, eat and show up at the university with the right documents. So I got dressed, ate a sandwich from McDonald's dollar menu and dashed into the International Services Center. I was in there for less than 15 minutes.

Here's what happened: the lady whom I had spoken to earlier basically repeated everything from the phone call. I was dissatisfied.  I drove all the way to school just to hear that the only reason they would approve my request is that if I have some sort of medical emergency, which I don't. Feeling frustrated, helpless and angry at the United States of America and her bureaucracy, I placed my hands on the desk (while trying to keep my cool), looked at the lady and asked, "What do you suggest that I do then? Surely you can't expect me to be enrolled in classes only to be dropped out later for not attending them?"

"I would definitely suggest that you write to us and request for an early withdrawal. We can definitely do that for you but you'll have to leave the States within 15 days of your student visa termination."

What? That's like, my plan all along.

I admit that my communication skills aren't top-notch, but I'm not that bad of a listener, and I paid attention to all the international student orientations I've ever attended in my entire life! What happened was the immigration advisor assumed that I wasn't aware of the biggest requirement for a student to maintain his or her student visa, and that is to enroll in 12 credit hours per semester. She thought I was going to sit in the U.S and do nothing until the immigration interview. One would think at some point the immigration advisor would bring that option up instead of draining me of hope. So this was all a miscommunication.

28th of July, 2015

I was still snuggled up in bed two mornings ago when my phone went DINGGG (thank you very much for the unnecessarily loud and high-pitch notification, fb messenger). Anyway, my mother texted me to tell me that our police certificates are ready to be collected. While I was relieved that the last of the documents required by the National Visa Center came sooner than we had expected, I was also disappointed, because this means I have to pack my bags and start looking up one-way plane tickets back to Malaysia.

Lying in my bed, I thought about the things I have to do and settle before leaving the U.S back to M'sia, things like making sure that my electric bills, internet bills, HOA fees, roommate-things etc are in order. I also thought about whom I should meet up with to say goodbye, or whom I haven't told the news to. These are pretty dreadful things to think about, but the absolute worst one is probably the thought of being away from my boyfriend for so long. Every time I think about it, I tell myself it can't be that bad. Plenty of people have done it , and we're extremely fortunate too because we are privileged enough to be blessed with the luxury of high-speed internet and wonderful telecommunications apps. I don't want to seem like I have too little faith in our relationship, but my worries and concerns are gnawing at my guts ever so slightly to create a void big enough to fill a pound of paranoia. It's so silly of me though to dwell on it so much, considering the fact that our relationship has been nothing but pure awesome.

With all the fears and dread pulling me down like an anchor, I feel like, or rather, have an enormous desire to just tether myself to a bunch of balloons and fly away forever, but those needles of reality will eventually pop my happy balloons, my mode of escape. I bet they will poke me real hard too if I'm not careful.

22nd of July, 2015

I've found myself settling into a mundane routine of getting up at 9 in the morning (surprise!) and working on e-mails in my jammies. Due to the fact that my mother is on the other side of the globe, it is a tad bit challenging for us to organize our immigration paperwork. Filling up the immigration forms is a tedious job, especially when there are so many pages to look at and so many addresses to repeat (my U.S address and the U.S address where I'll stay, seriously?).

The lingering question of whether I should stay or leave the U.S for the duration of the fall semester is still up in the air, which is really frustrating. Uncertainty is really frustrating, and funnily enough, this reminds me of a certain situation my boyfriend was in just a month ago when he had to consider transferring to a flight school in D.C because the Orlando school was giving him and his parents a hard time. While waiting for his verdict, I was constantly trying to console and reassure myself that everything will be okay, and that I can always fly up to visit. Imagine my relief when he decided to stay in Orlando. I know it's a selfish thought, but I was happy to be able to retain this arrangement just because I'm highly uncomfortable with the idea of change. Unfortunately, it seems like our positions have been switched, and pretty soon I'd have to make the decision to leave (or not to leave).

20th of July, 2015

I had just returned to Orlando when I received an email from my mother. It came as a surprise, as none of us thought we would be getting an email like that for another year.

Some 12 or 13 years ago we filed for a petition to obtain a U.S permanent resident card. Visa numbers are limited, so we have to wait in line until the National Visa Center calls us up to proceed with the application (filing a bunch of paperwork, submitting documents etc). Our petition was approved in 2008, but a visa number was not available to us yet. Bummer.

All these years I have been vaguely aware of the complication that we might face when we do start our visa application, though I did not fully understand the scale of our problem until recently when I started to do more research on the whole process. As my mother is the main applicant and I her dependent, I am not qualified to be included in the actual visa application when I turn 21. My mother would have to start the whole process again for me when she does receive her permanent resident status, which will take an extra 7 years or so. I will celebrate my 21st birthday in October.

As this is a very time-sensitive case, I decided to hire a lawyer. I wanted to look into the Child Status Protection Act (CSPA), an act that was established to protect children of permanent residents/U.S Citizens from "aging-out" while waiting for their visas. I wanted to see if there is a way I can be protected by this act. The success rate of the CSPA hasn't been the most consistent (50/50 chance), so we decided to file for a Freedom of Information Act (FOIA) request to dig around my family's case for information that might help us to figure out our next step. Before we even heard back from the FOIA (we still haven't heard back from them), my mother received the aforementioned surprise email from the National Visa Center telling us to start collecting a bunch of documents and send them to the embassy together with our visa application. We were ecstatic at first. Our long wait is finally over! The National Visa Center didn't forget about us after all! Then, reality set in and all of us went, "Oh."

I sat down with my mother over Skype to talk about several issues, each one of them just adds to my long list of worries that might contribute to early strands of gray hair. To condense our problems into an easy-to-read list:

a) I'm turning 21 in three months. There is a chance that I can still be included in the application if our lawyers manage to expedite our case, but that also means that I have to fly back in the middle of the semester for a month to deal with all that hullabaloo over medical check-ups and interview at the US embassy in KL.

b) My younger brother is in his final two years of secondary school. He can't just drop everything and come over here to attend high school. I mean technically, he can, but that would mean he has to get used to a whole new system for his final year, going from the UK education system to the US system. The transition might just kill him.

c) My father will need at least 3-5 years to settle his business. While he is excellent at what he does, he does not have the certification to do similar jobs here in the United States, and besides, that man has been working like a dog for 3 decades. It's time for him to rest.

d) One of the documents required by the embassy is a police certificate/Certificate of good conduct from everyone over the age of 16. According to the e-konsular site it takes about 1-2 months for the request to be processed. If that's the case, I am screwed because the lawyers can't expedite the case fast enough to save me from getting kicked out of the application by the National Visa Center.

The lawyers came up with solutions for problem b) and c). For problem a) I have been advised to return to Malaysia for a semester to deal with it and save money from having to withdraw from the university classes. That could have worked if it doesn't take eons to acquire a police certificate.

Writing this gives me a platform to organize my thoughts. I always find myself feeling overwhelmed having to deal with immigration issues and meeting with lawyers 40 minutes from my house. This entire process is time-consuming, it burns holes in our wallets as there are so many application fees to pay and lawyers to hire. Though I often feel alone in this process, I know I'm not. I have so many people to thank for their unending support, for their empathy and their prayers (in the case of my hippie neighbor, her good thoughts and vibe.)